Life Without Momma: Reflections

Two years is a long time. On some days, it feels indefinite when your kindred spirit, greatest supporter, fellow artist, friend, and dearest mother are no longer by your side. The winter days especially, feel cold and empty. The traditional "family" oriented holidays and celebrations are still the hardest to face. I dread my birthdays the most, because I know I will think of her and wonder why she could not be here to celebrate it with me. The littlest trinkets that she gave to me over the years that seemed insignificant at the time take on a whole new definition of sentimental meaning. My memories of her, all of the precious ones that grow more distant over the changing passages of time, become more valuable.

In her prime, my Momma was one of strongest, most determined people you would meet. Everyday, she followed her own path, and did things her way. When someone said she could not do something, she always proved him or her wrong. She was proud, and never let anyone or anything push her down, or to destroy her spirit. She lived a difficult life, having first lost her own mother at age twelve, who was murdered by her father. Momma could not have understood then the powerful impact this would have in her future, when she would have her own daughter. She was overprotective, but fiercely loving.

Moving from place to place, lacking the stability in her private life early on, she still managed to carve out a respectable living for herself. She gained her independence after two rocky marriages to men who deeply hurt her, proving that despite hardship, she could find her true happiness. Over the years, as a single parent, my dear "Momma Sue," as she was affectionately known to members outside of the family, taught me the values of loyalty, strength, respect, honesty, and hard work. I will never forget how astounded I was daily, at her tireless efforts to make a difference, whether as an employee, friend or mother figure. Momma took on every role eagerly, and in time, became a fearless leader of sorts.

She was, of course, not without her faults. Her temper was fiery at times, and her impatience for lack of perfection was the most apparent in her beautiful artwork. Momma would get frustrated at times if something she were working on was not quite right, having a tendency to do it over and over and over again to the point of aggravation for others who were involved, attempting to obtain the end result that she wanted. This daily striving for perfection in all things did not always make living with her easy. I would push myself too hard at times, struggling to meet her standards. But, throughout it all, the highs and lows, we stood by each other, encouraging one another, and being one another's strength.

When she was diagnosed with Lung Cancer in the May of 2010, her tireless devotion to others was given back to her, tenfold. Toward the end of her life, Momma grew overwhelmed by the outpouring of support, but the daily vigor that kept her passionate about living her life, her way, continued to always inspire others, perhaps even without her realizing it. She made a difference, for me and for those fortunate enough to personally know her, and to be loved and cherished by her. Momma rarely let others into her inner sphere, with good reason, since mistrust was her mainstay for several years. However, her courage, wisdom, strength and amazing resourcefulness in the face of adversity, were just a few of the wonderful things that defined her character over the years, before her heartbreaking death.




The daily encouragement given towards me makes such a world of difference, as I continue to face a different life without Momma. As I reflect on another year gone by, I stay appreciative for the little blessings. I smile at the memories, and stay optimistic. I kept the vow to make my Momma proud, by doing everything to honor her memory by grasping onto her fighting spirit – and forging my own positive path in the world.