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Comments
katti
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come and nestle thy wounded spirit in the feathers of my oasis and feel it
feel the softest lightest touch of soothing
hear the gentlest barely audible words of one who through them is renewing
all that life has cast thy way, this I vow, each night on
heated nights
ecstasy; guided by heat
The use of heated/heat. Perhaps one of them could be replaced with something else?
P.S: I still love you.
This line lessons the impact somewhat. I really think that a
Yet, I still love you
Or something along those lines would be much more effective.
Again, a very emotionally packed piece even without the suggestions.
--
No need to thank me for "Faves" or Watches; however, if you feel the need, please do so in my Shoutbox.
Thank you.
every feature is moralized
stolen, heated nights
excellent
--
one half of ~ZombiesAteUs
like weaving fantasies
quickly stripped naked
of their charms
What an opening. Break my heart in four lines, why dontcha?
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*DailyLitDeviations | *Critique-It | =TheContestClub | *DailyDeviants
Not For Sale: Fighting Human Slavery
Wonderfully written.
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Writers Block is my Arch Nemesis. It is Evil, and must be Destroyed.
Admin for #theWrittenRevolution
Proud member of =RawEm0tion
That says it all. ::smiles::
--
"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me."- Howard Roark
--
Some days I write those words, others they write me.
i adore these lines
ecstasy; aflame
never regained
Really lovely.
The ending is really rather sweet if not a little overused since the film.
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I like the words Smashing, Golly, Gosh, Corking,Cracking and Soliloquy.
My list of current projects [link]
My ATC only account ~Pickled-PoppyATC
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